Post by novium on May 27, 2009 4:01:26 GMT -5
Hello boys and girls, and welcome to the penultimate episode of this season, perhaps even the whole show if we're unlucky. I'll forgo any gushy remarks and jump right into the story, just like this week's episode does.
We open to an external shot of a beautiful white institutional-looking Victorian building with well-manicured (if un-raked) lawns. We quickly cut inside to see Sam creeping up a...well, creepy spiral staircase, complete with flickering lights. The music is ominous. His face is deadly serious. He is a man focused on his task. It's such an unusual look for our favorite slacker/reaper. He readies his weapon. It makes a baleful squeak-squeak noise, in lieu of the more intimidating sound say, a shotgun might make. Because, yes, it is a clown's horn. Sam silently makes his way up the rest of the stairs, and then pauses to sneak through some of that plastic sheeting that shows up in every abandoned/haunted institutional building ever.
He walks into the room, wary as a cat, and gently moves aside some more plastic sheeting to peer into a little room straight out of a slasher film. Or Dexter, if Dexter was more morbid and unhinged. And messy. Sam looks a little perturbed by Not!Dexter's kill room. Just then, his cell-phone rings, startling Sam but cutting the tension. He looks at the caller ID and answers the phone. It's Sock! Sam demands to know where Sock (and Ben) are, sounding not so much angry as tense. Poor Sam. He needs a massage, methinks. Sock blahblahblahs some excuses, but the truth is that he and Ben are getting some tasty, tasty tacos. Sam tells 'em to hurry it up, and hangs up, peering back into the kill room, but leaving his back completely exposed to the room behind him. Sock then calls back to ask for directions. I'd like to think that he also called to ask what kind of taco Sam would like. That's what a good friend would do, right? But no. Taco-less and alone, Sam's tension melts into irritation. Sounding very very put out, he tells Sock that they need to get to the old asylum. But that's as far as he gets, because just as he works up a good head of steam for his snit fit, a shadowy figure comes up from behind him and clobbers him over the head.
That was fun! When we come back, we find that our darling lil' spawn o' satan has gotten himself strapped down to the torture table in the kill room. I can just see the Devil sadly shaking his head at this. Sam wakes up from his beauty nap to the cheering sound of a knife being sharpened. He looks around in panic; he's been strapped down pretty good. Not!Dexter's no fool, for all that he's a shadowy figure on the other side of the curtain. Just as Sam's really starting to lose it, the Devil drops by for a quick chat. He'd like Sam to hurry it up 'cause he's got something he wants to show him. Sam's a bit too freaked to worry about that now, and begs the Devil to get him out of there. The Devil sighs, because there's nothing worse than having a drama queen for your potential antichrist. He shrugs and acquiesces by handing Sam the up-and-down control for the bed, telegraphing quite obviously that he thinks he's just enabling Sam and his attention-seeking. Sam is not pleased, but it sucks to be him, because the Devil's done his usual disappearing act. However, Sam spots the vessel on the floor, presumably where he dropped it. It's all very tense as Sam uses the bed controls to tip the bed forward so that he does the proverbial epic face-plant, right onto the vessel. Not!Dexter comes out from behind the curtain, sees the bed on the floor, and flips it over. Sam quickly honks the vessel, and the soul is captured. Hurray! He looks mighty pleased with himself, too. Mission accomplished, he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and slumps boneless back into the mattress. Presumably it's all downhill from here; just a kind of long and boring wait for Sock and Ben to show up and free him.
But no! Just as he relaxes, the Devil returns and whisks him away to a swanky office in a skyscraper. The Devil congratulates Sam on the soul capture in the exact same words and tone of voice that you'd use on a child who'd managed to let go of the wall in the big kid's pool for the first time, or perhaps on a puppy that managed not to piddle on the rug. Either way, the Devil's beaming in the proud but condescending way so familiar to both. He reaches down and helps Sam up off the floor, asking him what he knows about the world of business. He gives him a short lecture on the history of corporations, and expresses his profound approval, before getting to the point and revealing that he wants Sam to work there. Aw, satanic nepotism. He's so proud-papa. He wants Sam to learn the ways of evil from corporate America. Cheap shot, Reaper, cheap shot. Cheap shots aside, I think this is actually very interesting for the ongoing arc, in that subtle, sneaky, slacker way Reaper has. The Devil seems more invested in Sam then he lets on; he's saved Sam's life many times, popping in at the last minute, seemingly doing very little. You might say that this is just as the plot requires, but it's worth thinking on . He didn't do it for Morgan. But I'm getting away from my topic!
The commercials soon end and when we return, Sam's showing off his new office to Sock and Andi. Sock is appreciating the full bar, and Andi's letting us know that the Devil's let Sam off soul-hunting duty for as long as he's working there. Sam puts forth the idea that the Devil is merely Epic Failing at trying to torture him, because he's really enjoying the swanky office. Seriously, Sam is too stupid to live sometimes. Sock finishes pouring the drinks and calls for Ben to come and grabs his. Ben suddenly appears out of a previously unseen door, preaching the glories of the monster-sized luxury bathroom he's been exploring. Ben opines that getting paid to sit around and do nothing is much better than getting chased around by ax-wielding psychopaths, and Sam avers that doing nothing is his specialty. Andi agrees. At this juncture, Sam's beautiful secretary walks in carrying a business suit. She introduces herself and then tells Sam that he's wanted in a meeting with the CEO and needs to change. Sam runs off to change, and we switch over to the meeting, where some sap in a suit is presenting “The Orchard”- an architectural model for some sort of residential/commercial high-rise project. The CEO promptly disses this guy and asks for Sam's opinion. Sam hems and haws for a second before finally admitting that he didn't know there was going to be homework, and he has nothing. CEO-guy instantly channels That Guy from Futurama and proclaims it a brilliant idea: “Nothing!” Seriously though, he's every 80s corporate stereotype ever. He also disses Suited Sap some more, and tells Sam to take a few days and get on it. Sam is left speechless, though that's pretty normal for him.
We cut to the house. Sock enters, bringing with him a bag of burgers and calling for Ben. He walks into the kitchen and catches sight of Ben, and is taken aback. Ben has unleashed the Hair, reminding me of Shepard Book. Nina is fussing with it, apparently prepping to give Ben a trim. But it's not the hair that has so shocked Sock; it's the hair cutting. He's hurt that Ben would betray him by breaking away from their hair-cut bonding. Ben tells Sock that he needs a girlfriend, and Nina thinks that's a great idea, saying she's got a girlfriend she'd like him to meet. Ben convinces Sock to go along with it, promising exciting double dates and new grooming rituals.
We cut back to the skyscraper. It's evening. We cut inside to the elevator, where we see several suit-clad legs. We pan up to see the CEO, Sam, and the Sap. The CEO asks how his first day was, but he doesn't really care- it's just another opportunity to slap the Sap. Figuratively speaking. After the CEO leaves, Sam makes a hash of trying to apologize to the Sap. He's interrupted by a comical BoiNG sound. It's his cell. The Sap walks off while Sam is distracted, throwing a fit and a trash can.
We cut to the Bench, where Andi is fussing with something in the aisle with all the nails. Sam walks up and tells her that he's gotten a text message from his dad: His dad has found a way out of Sam's deal, but is trapped in the third circle of hell (gluttony, according to Wikipedia), and needs help. Sam seems oddly triumphant about the whole thing, because once again he's counting his chickens before his eggs have hatched. And he's once again plotting against the Devil outside the safety of a circle. Bad Sam, Bad!
We return to the Corporate Skyscraper (that's its name, dammit). Sam's continuing his career as a slacker by hanging out in his office and teleconferencing with with Tony and lil Stevie. He's asking for Tony for advice about how to rescue his dad. Tony lets him know that there's no way any mortal could venture into hell without dying; it'll have to be a demon, but it can't be him, because he has responsibilities now (awwww), and even if he could get a babysitter, he'd need access to an active portal to hell- the DMV don't cut it, apparently. Tony recommends an active volcano: “pimples on the netherworld's ass”. Our Tony, expressive as ever. He signs off, because there's a diaper change calling his name.
The scene ends and we cut to a shot of the Brickhouse, favored watering hole of our intrepid trio. You know, for ages I thought its name was “Booze”? That sign is like ten times bigger and a hundred times more prominent than the actual name. The bar is also very fortifiable-looking. Good in case of zombie apocalypse. Inside, Sock is telling Ben that he's got good feelings about this whole blind date thing. They chat a bit about body odor (“your natural scent is very floral,” Sock remarks), and then Nina shows up with her friend Maggie in tow.
Ok, this must be said: this whole subplot is pointless, irritating, and worst of all, unfunny. You have been warned. It goes like this: Nina introduces Maggie, and from Sock's reaction, we're obviously supposed to think that she is the very definition of hideous. Or that Sock is a major asshole. Or perhaps both. It's never really clear, but let's just put it this way; he'd have been happier to meet Gladys. But here's the thing: There is nothing wrong with this woman. No; more than that. This woman is gorgeous, fit, and while not dressed up by any means, she looks like that laidback hippy girl you knew in college. Horrors! A woman on TV who looks like she didn't spend five hours having her hair and makeup done. Maybe I'm overreacting, but even after all of Sock's other despicable subplots, this by far seems the most misogynistic, even if it is perhaps subtly so.
Rant over for now. It comes down to this: she's a little rough around the edges, but in that, she actually seems fairly well matched for Sock. Straightforward and low-maintenance, and who'd probably appreciate Sock's brand of low humor. But no. So Sock is very unsubtle about his reaction to her, and is extremely rude in his half-assed attempts to ditch her. Let's not go into details. Nina is understandably pissed. Maggie returns from the bathroom earlier than expected; Sock vomits up some extremely transparent lies and leaves. Then thankfully the scene is over, and we go back to Sam hanging out in his office. In comes the Sap, holding the architectural model. Sam asks him if he can help him, and the Sap throws a hissy fit, ranting and smashing his model. Sam tells him to take it easy, because it's not that big of a deal. The Sap then rants about all he's sacrificed for his career- the career Sam has some how ruined- his life, his marriage, dreams... All very sad I'm sure. Especially the bit about his wife leaving him for his dad. That's just adding insult to ewwww.
Anyway, The Sap soon expands his trash-can throwing repertoire by using Sam's to smash out the windows. Sam is freaking out over all this, since the Sap is now yelling that he's going to make like Warring Hudsucker and jump out of the 59th floor (not counting the mezzanine). Sam tries to stop him with a nice little pep talk, but that doesn't really work out, because his professions of suckitude inspire the Sap to try and drag him out the window by his tie. This, like everything else, does not work for the Sap, because Sam's tie rips (he should have gotten the double stitch) and the Sap goes plummeting out the window, to Sam's horror. Sam turns around to see the Devil, who is laughing and shaking up a victory martini. Sam's not in the mood for a martini though, 'cause apparently being instrumental in someone's death, however accidentally, has made him sick to his stomach.
The Devil tells him to cheer up, and consoles him by saying that most of it was his fault- he's been trying to push the Sap over the edge since he got his MBA (PROOF! MBAs are actually the work of the Devil, not proper grad school at all!). Sam wants to know why and the Devil explains that that's the purpose of the corporation: to produce sin. But he thinks that Sam needs to see it to believe it, so they go off to the elevator, where the Devil tells Sam to take them up to the top, level 75. Sam tries, but with no success. The Devil explains that you need a special pass to reach the top, and that every last soul in the building would do unspeakable things to get one.
Sam and the Devil settle into an awkward silence as the elevator begins its ascent. The Devil decides to make small talk, remarking on the death of his tailor. Sam is a bit weirded out by this, and seems unsure of how to respond. I bet he's wondering why the Devil didn't just whoosh them upstairs like he does for everything else. Some very uncomfortable small talk on the subject of the tailor follows. It's a well acted scene, and by all accounts, it was well received, but I just don't get the appeal.
When the elevator finally arrives at the top, Sam is treated to a scene reminiscent of the love child of a stock exchange pit and a brokerage office...except there are demons and damned souls running around, and the exchanges they are playing all seem to be sin related. And focused on the corporation. Seems very recursive to me. A bit like the corporation in that book Company. And just like in Company, the top's sole reason for being is to torture the lower levels, except here, they're actually hoping the people down below will go postal, not seeing how close to that line they can get. Sam's appalled...but like every other time he's been faced with something really awful, he also seems somewhat numb to it. Like perhaps he can't quite bring himself to believe that it is real. This may explain why he keeps thinking the Devil will be swayed by arguments like, “that's not fair.” But Sam's soon distracted by a man who walks out of a wall of fire, unconcernedly beating out the few surviving flames on his suit. This breaks Sam out of his stupor, and he demands to know “What the hell was that?”
The Devil, never one to take the cheap shots (“that the hell was hell”) simply says it's a portal back to the home office – hint hint, not Secaucus. Hmm. New Jersey. So I guess the Devil isn't above cheap shots. The Devil looks at Sam and says, “I can tell what you're thinking.”
And Sam, looking a bit rattled, says, “you do?” in a flustered but innocent tone. The the Devil babbles a bit about how it doesn't look like much, and Sam tries to agree, ever so nonchalant. It makes me wonder what he was actually thinking. Must have been something random, because he certainly didn't seem as freaked as you'd expect if he'd been thinking about, oh, his dad or his numerous attempts to plot against the Devil. But I digress. The Devil continues on, speaking of the rush of corruption and the power of it. The music's gone all evil and portentous. Sam stares at the door to hell, and we go to commercial.
When we return, Nina and Ben are being all cutesy, and Sam is trying to talk Nina into going in to rescue his dad. Nina doesn't want to go, she's afraid of falling back into the bad habits of maiming, rendering, and torturing. It's like spring break, apparently, and Nina doesn't want to be a party girl anymore. Ben's a little worried to hear this, and Nina assures him that she's a different demon now...practically. She's even switched from the screams of the damned to Stevie Wonder as her music of choice. Andi helps Sam pressure Nina into agreeing, and Nina relents. Sam now explains the next part of his cunning plan: impress the CEO in order to get the key to the top. Andi expresses some disbelief in the soundness of this plan, as does everyone in the audience. Sam's theme this season is banking on slim possibilities as if they're already assured. And look how well that's worked out.
So we're back to the awful Sock subplot. There's some really awkward conversation. The gist of it is: Sock doesn't find her attractive, although mostly it's her shirts. Maggie tells Sock that she can look like whatever she wants, and Sock decides to give it a try. God, I hate him. He is no great prize, let us be honest here. A better plotline would be him acting like a jackass, and Maggie telling him off right from the get go. Hurray! Let's just pretend that happened.
Alright, time to check back on Sam and his cra-a-azy plan. Ben's trying to talk him into an underwater resort of some sort, but even Sam can see this is a bad idea. Sam is upset. He has no plans, Ben's plans are a bust, and the presentation is in ten minutes. You know, it's a pity Sam dropped out of college; he had all the makings of an epic procrastinator. While Sam is moaning about how his whole future depends on him doing well on this presentation and getting the key to the top (why does he assume one will follow the other? Oh yeah, he thinks slim possibility = destined to happen), he kicks over the trash basket....which was full of the Sap's broken model. Cut to the presentation: He's kind of half-assedly taped the model back together, and slapped “Bentopia” on it. He's trying his best to use the Sap's proposal too, but he's making a hash of it. The CEO sees right through this, but Sam tries his best to sell it anyway. The CEO then accuses Sam of stealing the Sap's model...and murdering him. Sam's seconds away from spilling the beans ('give in easily' does seem to be his motto), when the CEO explains that he thinks it is marvelous, and promptly gives Sam a promotion. While Sam is basking in this triumph...
...Sock is being creepy and behaving in ways that should get him fired faster than you can say “lawsuit”. He's using photos and magazine pictures to frankenstein-together himself the “perfect woman”. He and Ben go to the Brickhouse, and Ben tells Sock he is being creepy, and tells him to go talk to some of the beautiful women in the bar who actually exist. Sock does so, but it's only to creepily take measurements for his Frankenstein picture.
We cut back to the skyscraper, where Ben, Nina, and Sam are scurrying into the elevator to sneak Nina up to the portal. They fail at “nonchalant”. But they make it, and they make arrangements to come and reopen the door the next day at 11pm exactly. Ben and Nina have an awkward and neurotic goodbye. It goes on for far too long- poor Sam looks one part uncomfortable and two parts impatient. Nina ventures off into the flames, and we're back to commercials.
When we return, we're slammed right into the Sock subplot. Sock is about to present his masterpiece to Maggie, who is having lunch in the Bench cafeteria. Blah blah blah, Maggie tells him she'll do it, and to meet her that evening.
Then- thank GOD- we're back to the corporation, where Sam is fiddling with his executive pass. The Devil puts in an appearance, and he's wearing an ascot. Only Ray Wise could pull that off. The Devil's come to congratulate Sam on a job well done. I don't really get his angle here- ok, that's usually true, but this week his motives seem even more obscure than usual. Normally you can argue that it's about temptation, or using Sam as a tool to manipulate events and people. But this week...he's playing proud papa, and showing off the office, but he knows just as well as Sam does that his promotion is pretty much a fluke. Anyway, they chat for a bit, and Sam tells the Devil that ascots just aren't acceptable. The Devil vows to get his old tailor back, just as Sam's secretary announces that the CEO wants to see him. Sam looks at the Devil, and the Devil shrugs and asks Sam what he did. Very mildly, though. It's all very strange.
Back in the conference room, the CEO is pissed. Apparently the building has a lot of video surveillance. Sam assumes he's ticked about Nina, but no. Actually he's annoyed that Sam did not in fact murder the Sap. But hey, he lied about it, so that's got to count for something, right? Right? ...Ok, apparently not. The CEO promptly fires his ass and takes back the pass to the 75th floor. The music returns, letting us hear Sam's frustration. Sam makes a fist and bangs it on the table in time with the DUN of the soundtrack. He and his mighty fist of fury slam us into a commercial.
Again, I'm kind of left wondering what the deal with all this is. The CEO doesn't seem to know of Sam's connection with the Devil, at least not more so than “recommended by Jerry”, or does he? I'm still not quite seeing the point to all this, other than a way for Sam to get the info from his Dad. Anyway, when we come back, our intrepid trio are stalking the CEO, who is apparently at the gym. They follow him in, intending to steal the executive pass from him.
In an absolutely wonderful scene, the three walk around the corner after the CEO leaves the locker room, and Ben is shirtless. It's a truly magnificent sight, and I am happy to report that he's bulked up a bit from last season. Ben explains that he's going shirtless as camouflage. However they want to spin it is fine with me. This lovely gift is soon ruined by the site of a practically naked Sock, who has followed the CEO into the steam room. He attempts to make financial small talk, but kind of sucks at it.
Back at the lockers, Ben claims to have a system to crack the lock. Sam is surprised, but only for a minute, when it turns out that Ben's system is to work through every possible combination. Sam points out that this is stupid, but continues to try. If I were him, I'd try for the exploding wine-bottle trick again, but I guess not. Back in the steam room, Sock tries to stall the CEO with the dodgiest sounding proposal ever. But the executive is intrigued, and I'm going to hand wave it and say that he's interested in corrupting Sock's soul, not that there's any point in that. That ship has sailed, methinks. We go back to Sam and Ben. Sam's given up on Ben's method by 0-0-0-14. They argue for a bit before they are confronted by a janitor, who asks what they were doing. Sam quickly answers that their combination isn't working and asks for help. Way to go, Sammy! Social engineering! Use that evil mojo. Before anyone argues, it is too evil mojo. Because I said so. Really, how else do you explain so many people falling for his lame stories, especially while he looks so guilty. Evil Mojo, alright? That's how.
Utilizing Sam's evil power of really bad lying, the boys manage to get into the CEO's locker. They steal the card and Ben retrieves Sock, who is bullshitting something about flooding the Grand Canyon. He's posed in a position that must lead to a very un-scenic view for poor ol' evil CEO.
Sam, Andi, Ben, and Sock quickly return to the corporate skyscraper. Sock and Andi are left downstairs to keep watch. Shortly after the elevator departs, Sock and Andi catch sight of the CEO, who's heading right for them. They skedaddle and hide behind a pillar. Andi calls Sam to warn him, but it goes straight to voicemail. Sock and Andi are relieved to realize the CEO can't get to the top floor- he needs a pass, after all. But they are wrong. He's a demon! He laughs at passes. He beats the crap out of the elevator, and quickly makes his way up the shaft. That's going to be hard to explain to the janitor. Or not. Maybe they have magic janitors. They did certainly manage to get Sam's old office fixed up pretty quickly. But we'll never know, because we're punted back into the commercials.
When we return, Sam has opened the portal to hell, and he and Ben are calling into the flames for Nina. She comes out bearing a scroll, but not Sam's father. Sam asks her what happened, and she tells him that his dad chose to stay behind, because he “has something important to do...” Which I'm sure would be very interesting if I wasn't 99% sure that they're not going to address this again. Boo. Sam takes a look at the scroll, and it's blank, much to his dismay and Nina's confusion. But that's going to have to wait, because they get the message about the CEO demon. Even if they hadn't gotten it, the destruction of the elevator doors would give it away, so they decide to book out of there, via Air Nina.
CEO demon crawls out of the shaft and notices the open roof-access door. Before he can investigate the door to hell opens up and out comes the Sap, who is thrilled to have reached the 75th floor. But it's not meant to be. He takes one look at the CEO demon and decides that it's a bit too chilly for him and hops right back into hell.
We go back to the brickhouse, where Sock is anxiously awaiting his dream girl. Maggie appears, and she's not changed at all, much to Sock's disgust. Maggie explains that she was never going to do that, and she just wanted to teach Sock a lesson. A really crappy lesson. She should have just told him off. He accuses her of being cruel, she calls him a pig, he calls her sadistic, claiming that he was straightforward and honest. Oh yeah. What with all the stupid lies. Maggie relents, and they have a pseudo-bonding moment over insecurities. This would have worked better if we saw even a smidgen of the insecurity Sock displayed last season, during “The Cop”, but no. Maggie apologizes, and Sock suggests they give it another go....with Maggie turning into his dream woman. Maggie tells him he's an idiot, but not nearly with enough force.
The less said about all that, the better, so we move on to....a barbecue back at the house. It's a gray and dreary day, not barbecue weather at all. Sam's angsting a bit about the blank paper, saying that if there's a secret message on it, he can't find it. Nina says that Sam's dad claimed that the scroll contained the way for Sam to trap the Devil into a competition. The barbecue puts forth some dramatic flames, and Nina realizes she's being a bit of an airhead. She grabs the paper from Sam and throws it on the flames, much to the shock of everyone else. But the scroll remains unburned, and writing appears on it. Nina grabs it back out of the flames, and explains that it is an ancient demon text, one way before her time (aha! Perhaps explaining the “Saint Peter” references from a few episodes back...? Yes/no? I'm going to pretend the answer is yes). Nina continues by saying that if they can get it translated, Sam will be free of his deal with the Devil. I see that Nina has caught the slim possibility = definite eventuality disease from Sam. But all that will have to wait for the next recap, because that's all she wrote for this week.
See ya next time, dearest readers. Blue will be your faithful recapper for the season finale.
We open to an external shot of a beautiful white institutional-looking Victorian building with well-manicured (if un-raked) lawns. We quickly cut inside to see Sam creeping up a...well, creepy spiral staircase, complete with flickering lights. The music is ominous. His face is deadly serious. He is a man focused on his task. It's such an unusual look for our favorite slacker/reaper. He readies his weapon. It makes a baleful squeak-squeak noise, in lieu of the more intimidating sound say, a shotgun might make. Because, yes, it is a clown's horn. Sam silently makes his way up the rest of the stairs, and then pauses to sneak through some of that plastic sheeting that shows up in every abandoned/haunted institutional building ever.
He walks into the room, wary as a cat, and gently moves aside some more plastic sheeting to peer into a little room straight out of a slasher film. Or Dexter, if Dexter was more morbid and unhinged. And messy. Sam looks a little perturbed by Not!Dexter's kill room. Just then, his cell-phone rings, startling Sam but cutting the tension. He looks at the caller ID and answers the phone. It's Sock! Sam demands to know where Sock (and Ben) are, sounding not so much angry as tense. Poor Sam. He needs a massage, methinks. Sock blahblahblahs some excuses, but the truth is that he and Ben are getting some tasty, tasty tacos. Sam tells 'em to hurry it up, and hangs up, peering back into the kill room, but leaving his back completely exposed to the room behind him. Sock then calls back to ask for directions. I'd like to think that he also called to ask what kind of taco Sam would like. That's what a good friend would do, right? But no. Taco-less and alone, Sam's tension melts into irritation. Sounding very very put out, he tells Sock that they need to get to the old asylum. But that's as far as he gets, because just as he works up a good head of steam for his snit fit, a shadowy figure comes up from behind him and clobbers him over the head.
That was fun! When we come back, we find that our darling lil' spawn o' satan has gotten himself strapped down to the torture table in the kill room. I can just see the Devil sadly shaking his head at this. Sam wakes up from his beauty nap to the cheering sound of a knife being sharpened. He looks around in panic; he's been strapped down pretty good. Not!Dexter's no fool, for all that he's a shadowy figure on the other side of the curtain. Just as Sam's really starting to lose it, the Devil drops by for a quick chat. He'd like Sam to hurry it up 'cause he's got something he wants to show him. Sam's a bit too freaked to worry about that now, and begs the Devil to get him out of there. The Devil sighs, because there's nothing worse than having a drama queen for your potential antichrist. He shrugs and acquiesces by handing Sam the up-and-down control for the bed, telegraphing quite obviously that he thinks he's just enabling Sam and his attention-seeking. Sam is not pleased, but it sucks to be him, because the Devil's done his usual disappearing act. However, Sam spots the vessel on the floor, presumably where he dropped it. It's all very tense as Sam uses the bed controls to tip the bed forward so that he does the proverbial epic face-plant, right onto the vessel. Not!Dexter comes out from behind the curtain, sees the bed on the floor, and flips it over. Sam quickly honks the vessel, and the soul is captured. Hurray! He looks mighty pleased with himself, too. Mission accomplished, he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and slumps boneless back into the mattress. Presumably it's all downhill from here; just a kind of long and boring wait for Sock and Ben to show up and free him.
But no! Just as he relaxes, the Devil returns and whisks him away to a swanky office in a skyscraper. The Devil congratulates Sam on the soul capture in the exact same words and tone of voice that you'd use on a child who'd managed to let go of the wall in the big kid's pool for the first time, or perhaps on a puppy that managed not to piddle on the rug. Either way, the Devil's beaming in the proud but condescending way so familiar to both. He reaches down and helps Sam up off the floor, asking him what he knows about the world of business. He gives him a short lecture on the history of corporations, and expresses his profound approval, before getting to the point and revealing that he wants Sam to work there. Aw, satanic nepotism. He's so proud-papa. He wants Sam to learn the ways of evil from corporate America. Cheap shot, Reaper, cheap shot. Cheap shots aside, I think this is actually very interesting for the ongoing arc, in that subtle, sneaky, slacker way Reaper has. The Devil seems more invested in Sam then he lets on; he's saved Sam's life many times, popping in at the last minute, seemingly doing very little. You might say that this is just as the plot requires, but it's worth thinking on . He didn't do it for Morgan. But I'm getting away from my topic!
The commercials soon end and when we return, Sam's showing off his new office to Sock and Andi. Sock is appreciating the full bar, and Andi's letting us know that the Devil's let Sam off soul-hunting duty for as long as he's working there. Sam puts forth the idea that the Devil is merely Epic Failing at trying to torture him, because he's really enjoying the swanky office. Seriously, Sam is too stupid to live sometimes. Sock finishes pouring the drinks and calls for Ben to come and grabs his. Ben suddenly appears out of a previously unseen door, preaching the glories of the monster-sized luxury bathroom he's been exploring. Ben opines that getting paid to sit around and do nothing is much better than getting chased around by ax-wielding psychopaths, and Sam avers that doing nothing is his specialty. Andi agrees. At this juncture, Sam's beautiful secretary walks in carrying a business suit. She introduces herself and then tells Sam that he's wanted in a meeting with the CEO and needs to change. Sam runs off to change, and we switch over to the meeting, where some sap in a suit is presenting “The Orchard”- an architectural model for some sort of residential/commercial high-rise project. The CEO promptly disses this guy and asks for Sam's opinion. Sam hems and haws for a second before finally admitting that he didn't know there was going to be homework, and he has nothing. CEO-guy instantly channels That Guy from Futurama and proclaims it a brilliant idea: “Nothing!” Seriously though, he's every 80s corporate stereotype ever. He also disses Suited Sap some more, and tells Sam to take a few days and get on it. Sam is left speechless, though that's pretty normal for him.
We cut to the house. Sock enters, bringing with him a bag of burgers and calling for Ben. He walks into the kitchen and catches sight of Ben, and is taken aback. Ben has unleashed the Hair, reminding me of Shepard Book. Nina is fussing with it, apparently prepping to give Ben a trim. But it's not the hair that has so shocked Sock; it's the hair cutting. He's hurt that Ben would betray him by breaking away from their hair-cut bonding. Ben tells Sock that he needs a girlfriend, and Nina thinks that's a great idea, saying she's got a girlfriend she'd like him to meet. Ben convinces Sock to go along with it, promising exciting double dates and new grooming rituals.
We cut back to the skyscraper. It's evening. We cut inside to the elevator, where we see several suit-clad legs. We pan up to see the CEO, Sam, and the Sap. The CEO asks how his first day was, but he doesn't really care- it's just another opportunity to slap the Sap. Figuratively speaking. After the CEO leaves, Sam makes a hash of trying to apologize to the Sap. He's interrupted by a comical BoiNG sound. It's his cell. The Sap walks off while Sam is distracted, throwing a fit and a trash can.
We cut to the Bench, where Andi is fussing with something in the aisle with all the nails. Sam walks up and tells her that he's gotten a text message from his dad: His dad has found a way out of Sam's deal, but is trapped in the third circle of hell (gluttony, according to Wikipedia), and needs help. Sam seems oddly triumphant about the whole thing, because once again he's counting his chickens before his eggs have hatched. And he's once again plotting against the Devil outside the safety of a circle. Bad Sam, Bad!
We return to the Corporate Skyscraper (that's its name, dammit). Sam's continuing his career as a slacker by hanging out in his office and teleconferencing with with Tony and lil Stevie. He's asking for Tony for advice about how to rescue his dad. Tony lets him know that there's no way any mortal could venture into hell without dying; it'll have to be a demon, but it can't be him, because he has responsibilities now (awwww), and even if he could get a babysitter, he'd need access to an active portal to hell- the DMV don't cut it, apparently. Tony recommends an active volcano: “pimples on the netherworld's ass”. Our Tony, expressive as ever. He signs off, because there's a diaper change calling his name.
The scene ends and we cut to a shot of the Brickhouse, favored watering hole of our intrepid trio. You know, for ages I thought its name was “Booze”? That sign is like ten times bigger and a hundred times more prominent than the actual name. The bar is also very fortifiable-looking. Good in case of zombie apocalypse. Inside, Sock is telling Ben that he's got good feelings about this whole blind date thing. They chat a bit about body odor (“your natural scent is very floral,” Sock remarks), and then Nina shows up with her friend Maggie in tow.
Ok, this must be said: this whole subplot is pointless, irritating, and worst of all, unfunny. You have been warned. It goes like this: Nina introduces Maggie, and from Sock's reaction, we're obviously supposed to think that she is the very definition of hideous. Or that Sock is a major asshole. Or perhaps both. It's never really clear, but let's just put it this way; he'd have been happier to meet Gladys. But here's the thing: There is nothing wrong with this woman. No; more than that. This woman is gorgeous, fit, and while not dressed up by any means, she looks like that laidback hippy girl you knew in college. Horrors! A woman on TV who looks like she didn't spend five hours having her hair and makeup done. Maybe I'm overreacting, but even after all of Sock's other despicable subplots, this by far seems the most misogynistic, even if it is perhaps subtly so.
Rant over for now. It comes down to this: she's a little rough around the edges, but in that, she actually seems fairly well matched for Sock. Straightforward and low-maintenance, and who'd probably appreciate Sock's brand of low humor. But no. So Sock is very unsubtle about his reaction to her, and is extremely rude in his half-assed attempts to ditch her. Let's not go into details. Nina is understandably pissed. Maggie returns from the bathroom earlier than expected; Sock vomits up some extremely transparent lies and leaves. Then thankfully the scene is over, and we go back to Sam hanging out in his office. In comes the Sap, holding the architectural model. Sam asks him if he can help him, and the Sap throws a hissy fit, ranting and smashing his model. Sam tells him to take it easy, because it's not that big of a deal. The Sap then rants about all he's sacrificed for his career- the career Sam has some how ruined- his life, his marriage, dreams... All very sad I'm sure. Especially the bit about his wife leaving him for his dad. That's just adding insult to ewwww.
Anyway, The Sap soon expands his trash-can throwing repertoire by using Sam's to smash out the windows. Sam is freaking out over all this, since the Sap is now yelling that he's going to make like Warring Hudsucker and jump out of the 59th floor (not counting the mezzanine). Sam tries to stop him with a nice little pep talk, but that doesn't really work out, because his professions of suckitude inspire the Sap to try and drag him out the window by his tie. This, like everything else, does not work for the Sap, because Sam's tie rips (he should have gotten the double stitch) and the Sap goes plummeting out the window, to Sam's horror. Sam turns around to see the Devil, who is laughing and shaking up a victory martini. Sam's not in the mood for a martini though, 'cause apparently being instrumental in someone's death, however accidentally, has made him sick to his stomach.
The Devil tells him to cheer up, and consoles him by saying that most of it was his fault- he's been trying to push the Sap over the edge since he got his MBA (PROOF! MBAs are actually the work of the Devil, not proper grad school at all!). Sam wants to know why and the Devil explains that that's the purpose of the corporation: to produce sin. But he thinks that Sam needs to see it to believe it, so they go off to the elevator, where the Devil tells Sam to take them up to the top, level 75. Sam tries, but with no success. The Devil explains that you need a special pass to reach the top, and that every last soul in the building would do unspeakable things to get one.
Sam and the Devil settle into an awkward silence as the elevator begins its ascent. The Devil decides to make small talk, remarking on the death of his tailor. Sam is a bit weirded out by this, and seems unsure of how to respond. I bet he's wondering why the Devil didn't just whoosh them upstairs like he does for everything else. Some very uncomfortable small talk on the subject of the tailor follows. It's a well acted scene, and by all accounts, it was well received, but I just don't get the appeal.
When the elevator finally arrives at the top, Sam is treated to a scene reminiscent of the love child of a stock exchange pit and a brokerage office...except there are demons and damned souls running around, and the exchanges they are playing all seem to be sin related. And focused on the corporation. Seems very recursive to me. A bit like the corporation in that book Company. And just like in Company, the top's sole reason for being is to torture the lower levels, except here, they're actually hoping the people down below will go postal, not seeing how close to that line they can get. Sam's appalled...but like every other time he's been faced with something really awful, he also seems somewhat numb to it. Like perhaps he can't quite bring himself to believe that it is real. This may explain why he keeps thinking the Devil will be swayed by arguments like, “that's not fair.” But Sam's soon distracted by a man who walks out of a wall of fire, unconcernedly beating out the few surviving flames on his suit. This breaks Sam out of his stupor, and he demands to know “What the hell was that?”
The Devil, never one to take the cheap shots (“that the hell was hell”) simply says it's a portal back to the home office – hint hint, not Secaucus. Hmm. New Jersey. So I guess the Devil isn't above cheap shots. The Devil looks at Sam and says, “I can tell what you're thinking.”
And Sam, looking a bit rattled, says, “you do?” in a flustered but innocent tone. The the Devil babbles a bit about how it doesn't look like much, and Sam tries to agree, ever so nonchalant. It makes me wonder what he was actually thinking. Must have been something random, because he certainly didn't seem as freaked as you'd expect if he'd been thinking about, oh, his dad or his numerous attempts to plot against the Devil. But I digress. The Devil continues on, speaking of the rush of corruption and the power of it. The music's gone all evil and portentous. Sam stares at the door to hell, and we go to commercial.
When we return, Nina and Ben are being all cutesy, and Sam is trying to talk Nina into going in to rescue his dad. Nina doesn't want to go, she's afraid of falling back into the bad habits of maiming, rendering, and torturing. It's like spring break, apparently, and Nina doesn't want to be a party girl anymore. Ben's a little worried to hear this, and Nina assures him that she's a different demon now...practically. She's even switched from the screams of the damned to Stevie Wonder as her music of choice. Andi helps Sam pressure Nina into agreeing, and Nina relents. Sam now explains the next part of his cunning plan: impress the CEO in order to get the key to the top. Andi expresses some disbelief in the soundness of this plan, as does everyone in the audience. Sam's theme this season is banking on slim possibilities as if they're already assured. And look how well that's worked out.
So we're back to the awful Sock subplot. There's some really awkward conversation. The gist of it is: Sock doesn't find her attractive, although mostly it's her shirts. Maggie tells Sock that she can look like whatever she wants, and Sock decides to give it a try. God, I hate him. He is no great prize, let us be honest here. A better plotline would be him acting like a jackass, and Maggie telling him off right from the get go. Hurray! Let's just pretend that happened.
Alright, time to check back on Sam and his cra-a-azy plan. Ben's trying to talk him into an underwater resort of some sort, but even Sam can see this is a bad idea. Sam is upset. He has no plans, Ben's plans are a bust, and the presentation is in ten minutes. You know, it's a pity Sam dropped out of college; he had all the makings of an epic procrastinator. While Sam is moaning about how his whole future depends on him doing well on this presentation and getting the key to the top (why does he assume one will follow the other? Oh yeah, he thinks slim possibility = destined to happen), he kicks over the trash basket....which was full of the Sap's broken model. Cut to the presentation: He's kind of half-assedly taped the model back together, and slapped “Bentopia” on it. He's trying his best to use the Sap's proposal too, but he's making a hash of it. The CEO sees right through this, but Sam tries his best to sell it anyway. The CEO then accuses Sam of stealing the Sap's model...and murdering him. Sam's seconds away from spilling the beans ('give in easily' does seem to be his motto), when the CEO explains that he thinks it is marvelous, and promptly gives Sam a promotion. While Sam is basking in this triumph...
...Sock is being creepy and behaving in ways that should get him fired faster than you can say “lawsuit”. He's using photos and magazine pictures to frankenstein-together himself the “perfect woman”. He and Ben go to the Brickhouse, and Ben tells Sock he is being creepy, and tells him to go talk to some of the beautiful women in the bar who actually exist. Sock does so, but it's only to creepily take measurements for his Frankenstein picture.
We cut back to the skyscraper, where Ben, Nina, and Sam are scurrying into the elevator to sneak Nina up to the portal. They fail at “nonchalant”. But they make it, and they make arrangements to come and reopen the door the next day at 11pm exactly. Ben and Nina have an awkward and neurotic goodbye. It goes on for far too long- poor Sam looks one part uncomfortable and two parts impatient. Nina ventures off into the flames, and we're back to commercials.
When we return, we're slammed right into the Sock subplot. Sock is about to present his masterpiece to Maggie, who is having lunch in the Bench cafeteria. Blah blah blah, Maggie tells him she'll do it, and to meet her that evening.
Then- thank GOD- we're back to the corporation, where Sam is fiddling with his executive pass. The Devil puts in an appearance, and he's wearing an ascot. Only Ray Wise could pull that off. The Devil's come to congratulate Sam on a job well done. I don't really get his angle here- ok, that's usually true, but this week his motives seem even more obscure than usual. Normally you can argue that it's about temptation, or using Sam as a tool to manipulate events and people. But this week...he's playing proud papa, and showing off the office, but he knows just as well as Sam does that his promotion is pretty much a fluke. Anyway, they chat for a bit, and Sam tells the Devil that ascots just aren't acceptable. The Devil vows to get his old tailor back, just as Sam's secretary announces that the CEO wants to see him. Sam looks at the Devil, and the Devil shrugs and asks Sam what he did. Very mildly, though. It's all very strange.
Back in the conference room, the CEO is pissed. Apparently the building has a lot of video surveillance. Sam assumes he's ticked about Nina, but no. Actually he's annoyed that Sam did not in fact murder the Sap. But hey, he lied about it, so that's got to count for something, right? Right? ...Ok, apparently not. The CEO promptly fires his ass and takes back the pass to the 75th floor. The music returns, letting us hear Sam's frustration. Sam makes a fist and bangs it on the table in time with the DUN of the soundtrack. He and his mighty fist of fury slam us into a commercial.
Again, I'm kind of left wondering what the deal with all this is. The CEO doesn't seem to know of Sam's connection with the Devil, at least not more so than “recommended by Jerry”, or does he? I'm still not quite seeing the point to all this, other than a way for Sam to get the info from his Dad. Anyway, when we come back, our intrepid trio are stalking the CEO, who is apparently at the gym. They follow him in, intending to steal the executive pass from him.
In an absolutely wonderful scene, the three walk around the corner after the CEO leaves the locker room, and Ben is shirtless. It's a truly magnificent sight, and I am happy to report that he's bulked up a bit from last season. Ben explains that he's going shirtless as camouflage. However they want to spin it is fine with me. This lovely gift is soon ruined by the site of a practically naked Sock, who has followed the CEO into the steam room. He attempts to make financial small talk, but kind of sucks at it.
Back at the lockers, Ben claims to have a system to crack the lock. Sam is surprised, but only for a minute, when it turns out that Ben's system is to work through every possible combination. Sam points out that this is stupid, but continues to try. If I were him, I'd try for the exploding wine-bottle trick again, but I guess not. Back in the steam room, Sock tries to stall the CEO with the dodgiest sounding proposal ever. But the executive is intrigued, and I'm going to hand wave it and say that he's interested in corrupting Sock's soul, not that there's any point in that. That ship has sailed, methinks. We go back to Sam and Ben. Sam's given up on Ben's method by 0-0-0-14. They argue for a bit before they are confronted by a janitor, who asks what they were doing. Sam quickly answers that their combination isn't working and asks for help. Way to go, Sammy! Social engineering! Use that evil mojo. Before anyone argues, it is too evil mojo. Because I said so. Really, how else do you explain so many people falling for his lame stories, especially while he looks so guilty. Evil Mojo, alright? That's how.
Utilizing Sam's evil power of really bad lying, the boys manage to get into the CEO's locker. They steal the card and Ben retrieves Sock, who is bullshitting something about flooding the Grand Canyon. He's posed in a position that must lead to a very un-scenic view for poor ol' evil CEO.
Sam, Andi, Ben, and Sock quickly return to the corporate skyscraper. Sock and Andi are left downstairs to keep watch. Shortly after the elevator departs, Sock and Andi catch sight of the CEO, who's heading right for them. They skedaddle and hide behind a pillar. Andi calls Sam to warn him, but it goes straight to voicemail. Sock and Andi are relieved to realize the CEO can't get to the top floor- he needs a pass, after all. But they are wrong. He's a demon! He laughs at passes. He beats the crap out of the elevator, and quickly makes his way up the shaft. That's going to be hard to explain to the janitor. Or not. Maybe they have magic janitors. They did certainly manage to get Sam's old office fixed up pretty quickly. But we'll never know, because we're punted back into the commercials.
When we return, Sam has opened the portal to hell, and he and Ben are calling into the flames for Nina. She comes out bearing a scroll, but not Sam's father. Sam asks her what happened, and she tells him that his dad chose to stay behind, because he “has something important to do...” Which I'm sure would be very interesting if I wasn't 99% sure that they're not going to address this again. Boo. Sam takes a look at the scroll, and it's blank, much to his dismay and Nina's confusion. But that's going to have to wait, because they get the message about the CEO demon. Even if they hadn't gotten it, the destruction of the elevator doors would give it away, so they decide to book out of there, via Air Nina.
CEO demon crawls out of the shaft and notices the open roof-access door. Before he can investigate the door to hell opens up and out comes the Sap, who is thrilled to have reached the 75th floor. But it's not meant to be. He takes one look at the CEO demon and decides that it's a bit too chilly for him and hops right back into hell.
We go back to the brickhouse, where Sock is anxiously awaiting his dream girl. Maggie appears, and she's not changed at all, much to Sock's disgust. Maggie explains that she was never going to do that, and she just wanted to teach Sock a lesson. A really crappy lesson. She should have just told him off. He accuses her of being cruel, she calls him a pig, he calls her sadistic, claiming that he was straightforward and honest. Oh yeah. What with all the stupid lies. Maggie relents, and they have a pseudo-bonding moment over insecurities. This would have worked better if we saw even a smidgen of the insecurity Sock displayed last season, during “The Cop”, but no. Maggie apologizes, and Sock suggests they give it another go....with Maggie turning into his dream woman. Maggie tells him he's an idiot, but not nearly with enough force.
The less said about all that, the better, so we move on to....a barbecue back at the house. It's a gray and dreary day, not barbecue weather at all. Sam's angsting a bit about the blank paper, saying that if there's a secret message on it, he can't find it. Nina says that Sam's dad claimed that the scroll contained the way for Sam to trap the Devil into a competition. The barbecue puts forth some dramatic flames, and Nina realizes she's being a bit of an airhead. She grabs the paper from Sam and throws it on the flames, much to the shock of everyone else. But the scroll remains unburned, and writing appears on it. Nina grabs it back out of the flames, and explains that it is an ancient demon text, one way before her time (aha! Perhaps explaining the “Saint Peter” references from a few episodes back...? Yes/no? I'm going to pretend the answer is yes). Nina continues by saying that if they can get it translated, Sam will be free of his deal with the Devil. I see that Nina has caught the slim possibility = definite eventuality disease from Sam. But all that will have to wait for the next recap, because that's all she wrote for this week.
See ya next time, dearest readers. Blue will be your faithful recapper for the season finale.