Recap 208 - The Home Stretch

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Outside the Work Bench. The guys are leaving with Sock pushing Ben in a shopping cart. Sock rambles on about getting rid of his cell phone in favor of the old school pager and pay-phone combo. This prompts Sam to wonder if Sock is selling dime bags out of his mom's car again. I'd wonder if it's even possible to buy a pager anymore, and the services to go with it, but I do have an idiot cousin who currently uses a pager. He's not a doctor or drug dealer (probably), so it's presumably for the same reason Sock states: "I'm just sick and tired of people being able to reach me whenever they want, you know? It's like, I want to talk about blah blah blah, I have a medical emergency - I don't care, you know? I just want to get off the grid for a while, crazy guy style." Well, if you are really off the grid, you should make sure there is no way to reach you at all, not even by courier pigeon.

Sam gets into his Prius and tells Sock and Ben he'll catch them back at the house. Where are Sock and Ben going? I guess Sock's mom's car. She just handed the house over, why not the car, too? Whatever. This leaves Sam alone to find a very surprised Morgan magically transported into his Prius when he hits the power button. "What the hell? Where am I?" Judging by his reaction I guess this is Morgan's maiden voyage on The Devil's teleportationatron. Sam just looks pissed off when he sees that the two of them (and the car) are now in front of some smokestacks.

They get out of the car and just walk aimlessly towards the smoke. Morgan grumbles to Sam about how he was supposed to be getting a hot stone massage. Sam has no patience for this. "The Devil brought us here, you idiot." Insulted at being called an idiot, Morgan comes back with: "you're short." The two bicker some more with Sam calling Morgan a "weird Frankenstein monster" and Morgan speculating that Sam is about "5'4" until The Devil finally shows up out of the smoke and grab each of them by the arm as if they're a couple of misbehaving five-year-olds. "Take it easy, everybody just breathe." Sam does as he's told and chokes on the thick, nasty-looking smoke. The Devil goes on at length about global warming. Sam scoffs at the idea that The Devil cares about the environment. But of course he does! If the pollution kills everyone, "that jackass upstairs" can take all the souls as innocents, zero souls left for The Devil. Does this mean we should all stop recycling?

Morgan tries to suck up by offering to drive an electric car. But what The Devil really wants is for one of them to step up and prove his worth as The Devil's second in command. To that end... contest time! Sam and Morgan each open a vessel box and get a fire extinguisher. Two vessels, one escaped soul. First one to send the soul to hell wins. His prize? The position as The Devil's right hand man, his human representative in the Earthly realm, serving at his side as they create hell on earth. Hey, seems like a better deal than winning The Apprentice. The loser however, will be cast out, no financial support, no clothes, no car, just an eternity of endless toil as one of The Devil's minions. "Put quite simply, your life will be garbage," The Devil finishes. Sam isn't too dumb to realize this is already his life. "My life already is garbage." The Devil smilingly assures him that there would be ways to make it worse. "Good luck, my sons."

Credits.

Work Bench. Morgan gets all up in Sam's grill in the lighting section, proclaiming that he is here to kick Sam's ass. Sam is confused. Morgan continues that he doesn't care what he has to do, he will win, as he is more deserving to serve by The Devil's side. Sam couldn't agree more. Now Morgan is confused. Confused and suspicious. Sam insists that he seriously wants Morgan to win, and will even help him win. Morgan is convinced that Sam is playing mind games with him, and he is not buying it. He turns to leave. Sam makes a "WTF?" face at him. "Oh, one more thing," Morgan turns back towards Sam and bitch-slaps him in the face. "Oooow! What the hell, man?" "Ass-whupping, Morgan-style," Morgan gloats. "Believe." Oh, I think Sam could take Morgan if he really wanted to. Sam can take as many hits as anyone can throw at him, and he can bloody a guy with a bitch-slap. But instead Sam just gapes as Morgan leaves.

Sock and Ben walks up to the backdoor of the house. They stop and look through the window at an elderly lady with a chihuahua throwing the contents of their fridge into a garbage bag. "Why is there a small Mexican lady in our kitchen?" Ben answers that it's his grandmother. Also she's not Mexican. Apparently Sock never bothered to learn that his long-time friend Ben is Puerto Rican. Sock doesn't think this matters because he can't see colors. Seriously, he is red-green color blind. Sock rambles on about how he can't be a jet-fighter pilot as Ben's grandma comes out the door with the loaded garbage bag. She is displeased that they have a lot of junk food and eat all wrong. Does that include Sock's special potatoes and Ben's secret cherry tomatoes?

How did she get in Sock's house? Did Ben give her a key because she demanded it and he's too chicken to say no? If I were Sock, I'd be kind of pissed that one of my friends gave his scary grandma, who could kill them all in their sleep with a fork, a key to my home. That's way worse than bringing a rabbit into the house (I miss King Charlie).

Or maybe the boys just never lock the door. That's a distinct possibility, too.

Ben tries to stop his grandma's ranting by pointing out Sock. Grandma doesn't remember Sock, the guy who tackled her to the ground the last time they met. Besides her senility, It could be because Ben's grandma is a whole different person now. Seriously, it's a different actress. They don't even bother to try and make her look the same. Or maybe this is Ben's other grandmother who has also met Sock and has The Eye. Nah. Anyway, grandma wants to plant some veggies so Ben can eat like a man and meet a decent girl. Sock starts to tell her that Ben already has a hot girlfriend, but Ben covers that she's his personal shopper. He distracts her with talk of a nice vegetable garden she can plant in Sock's yard (Sock and his mom doesn't get a say in this, apparently). Grandma is suspicious, but she leaves with her chihuahua Chico and the garbage bag full of junk food. There goes probably a whole paycheck's worth of food. Sam is going to be pissed that someone took his special soy pizza pouches.

Ah, but before she leaves, she reminds Ben that he has to be there for his cousin's confirmation party the next night. Ben tells her he will be there even though he hates his cousin Hector. Grandma wags her finger at him and leaves for real this time. Now that it's just the two of them, Sock wants to know why Ben doesn't want his grandma to know about Nina. Grandma stabbed Sam with a fork, remember? Ben doesn't say this, but he does remind Sock that Grandma has The Eye and can see evil. So she'd be able to tell Nina is a demon. Sock thinks grandma would be proud that Ben is "railing" a hot demon who is way out of his league. Ben thinks grandma would disown him. That seems like a bit much to Sock. "But I do know how you Mexicans have a spicy temper." Ben glares but doesn't bother to correct him. Yeah, good call, you'd just be wasting your breath, Ben.

Work Bench. Andi is in her office with a guy she just hired. An older gentleman with an accent I can't quite place. "Thank you so much. This is such a blessing. And let me promise you, I'm gonna work my sack off." He gives her a sort of intense look and walk off. Andi seems perturbed by this. Don't know what that was all about.

Andi goes to the til, where Sam is stocking boxes. It's cute how happy Sam is to see a smiling Andi approach him and say "hey". The guy seriously lights up when he says "hey" back. "So I was thinking that we could drive to the cemetery tomorrow and look for Alan." Sam can't, he's working a double shift. Andi gives him the day off. Sam still looks worried. You'd think it would be because he's afraid Alan is already long gone, but he's actually worried Alan is too afraid of The Devil to help him. Andi convinces Sam that it's worth a shot. More and more excited now, she tells him her plan to pretend to be mourners to make themselves less conspicuous. Sam is charmed by Andi's reemerging mischievous side. "We're crashing a funeral?" "Yeah," smiles Andi. "Don't you want us to get back together?" Oh, she sure can motivate Sam 110%.

Cemetery. The gang is looking good dressed in all black. "Okay," Sam asks, "how are we going to do this?" Andi goes into boss-lady mode and directs Ben to blend in to the funeral crowd and keep a look-out from there while Sock and Andi pretend to mourn at the grave sites and Sam looks for Alan at the work shed. Sock insists on taking the funeral. "It's gonna require some real acting and I just don't think you have the chops, Benji." Ben is insulted. "I find you to be over-the-top." Is this some kind of meta commentary? "Hey," Sock swaggers, "go big or go home."

Sock joins the funeral procession. He just runs up alongside the crowd from behind some bushes as they pass by. Most of the crowd are holding flowers. Sock is holding some molting dandelions. A pretty blonde girl looks at him funny, so he pretends to weep. Then he checks out her ass. "So, do you like funerals? Or..." After getting another funny look, Sock manages to be less weird. "How did you know her?" The deceased was blonde girl's high school English teacher. "Same. God, what I wouldn't give to sit in her classroom one more time, you know, just reading, and learning, and... reading." Sock pretends to break into sobs since he can't think of anything else to say. The acting really is quite convincing here, enough to get the girl to invite him to a candlelight vigil a bunch of the deceased's students put together. "Definitely, that'd be awesome!" Sock catches himself. "I mean, yeah, yeah, yes, that would be... very sorrowful."

Sam is by the work shed, and sure enough, Alan is coming out with a shovel, completely unaware of Sam. He stayed in the same cemetery even though Sam already saw him there? Is there only one cemetery in all of Seacouver? Once again, Sam has to go and ruin the element of surprise by yelling out Alan's name and giving Alan a running head start. And again, he keeps wasting his breath yelling "Alan!" as he runs. Alan runs pass Andi and Ben. "There he is!" Ben yells. Ben, if you didn't do that, he wouldn't realize who you are and the fact that you're after him. Andi and Ben takes off running after him.

Blonde girl is laying a flower at the deceased's grave site. Sock comforts her. "It's okay, it was her time." "She was only 46." "Sh sh sh... shut up. You know what I mean." The priest reads from psalms. "For we know that neither death nor life nor angels nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God..." Alan, Andi and Sam runs into the background of this somber tableau, Andi is close enough now to grab one of Alan's legs (it helps that she never wasted her breath yelling uselessly), they both trip onto the grass. Sam arrives to tackle Alan just before he can fully get up. The funeral-goers wonder what is going on. "Nothing!" Sock convinces them. "Just boys being boys!" Shot of Sam wrestling Alan with Ben... sort of helping, I guess. "Read the -" Sock nudges the priest's bible. "Read the bible."

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The gang minus Sock have Alan trapped at the wall of some kind of mausoleum. Andi is holding him at bay with a pitchfork. Hee. Nice touch. Sock joins them and asks how it's going. Sam tells him Alan won't talk. Sock has an idea to give Alan some "encouragement".

Racetrack. The gang takes turns expositing that: 1) Alan is a gambling addict. 2) Gambling is a sin. 3) Alan got out of hell on a technicality, so if he sins once, he'll be sent back immediately. They threaten to leave him at the track with some racing forms and a hundred dollar bill unless he tells them what he did to get out of his deal with The Devil. Alan is trying hard to keep his composure, but it's obvious he's in some turmoil. He begs them to take him home. Sock and Ben keeps tempting him with talk of slot machines, keno, and video poker. Sam and Andi are getting unsettled by Alan's distress, and they call for a stop to this. Ignoring them, Sock and Ben keeps egging Alan on until he starts trying to get out of the car. Sock grabs him and Sam drives out of the racetrack parking lot with Alan hanging out the window trying to get someone to place a bet for him.

Cemetery. Alan is not amused. "Hey guys, thanks for the impromptu torture session. It's a great way to break up the day." Sam apologizes. Andi doesn't get why he won't just tell them the information they need so they'll leave him alone. Alan explains. "If I talk to you, I'll be back on The Devil's radar. He'll be trying to tempt me back to hell nonstop." Alan, you are already on The Devil's radar for tricking him into letting you out of a deal, and he'll still try to get you back to hell even if you say nothing because you still hold information that is very important for him to keep secret. Also because he's The Devil. You're pretty much screwed, so just help Sam already!

"Although," Alan goes on, "going back to hell would be better than living cooped up in this little postage stamp." Sam sympathizes that it must be tough. Oh, Sam you're too kind. I have zero sympathy. Alan wallows in the self-pity. "What choice do I have?"

Sock's house. Ben answers a knock at the front door. His visitor is Nina. Also, it's nighttime. Nine brought Vietnamese food. She wants to watch a movie and go flying later. Mmm, this is giving me a hankering for Vietnamese. But Ben just looks mighty nervous, especially when Nina asks him if he's going somewhere, as she can see that he is wearing his "going out chain". He admits that he is going to his little cousin's confirmation. "And I was going to invite you, sweetie, but, you know, everyone is going to be speaking Spanish there, there'll be all these strange people to meet, I know you'd hate it, it'd be wicked boring." Nina thinks it sounds like fun and she'd love to go. Ben's mistake is even letting Nina know he could have invited her. Now he has to explain why she can't go. He tells her the truth about his grandma's "eye" for evil and that grandma wouldn't approve of him dating a demon. Nina is dismayed. "You're a grown-up, Ben, why can't you just stand up to her?"

Ah, THE question in the "significant other versus overbearing matriarch" eternal battle. Except in this case, this isn't a matter of the in-law not liking your lack of Stepford-esque obedience. Ben talks about how scary grandma is, with her rockin' six-pack from pilates. I think I can give him the benefit of the doubt here and take it that he's not fearing so much for his own neck as he is fearing that grandma would try to stab Nina with a fork. It's a legitimate concern. But Nina clearly just thinks he's being a weenie, and really, that's how he comes off. Maybe it would help if he tells her the story of grandma stabbing Sam with a fork. But no time! Grandma is honking her horn outside the house and yelling at Ben to "vamonos"!

"Is that her?" Nina wants to know. Ben non-answers with a nervous chuckle. "I won't be long okay? Uh, so just, stay here, relax, watch some TV, do the dishes. And, uh, we'll talk about it later, all right?" Nina is pissed. The bit about doing the dishes? Not helping. Ben greets his grandma outside, Nina follows him out. Ben flips out. "What are you doing?" Nina asserts that he can't let his grandma bully him. "Besides, I'm like, 90% not evil. That's less evil than most humans!" Ha! Oh Nina, tell that to Sam. He's like 95% not evil and he still got the fork.

Nina thinks grandma will love her. Ben keeps begging her not to approach grandma. She introduces herself anyway, so Ben is forced to introduce her. "Uh, well, Lita, Nina is a friend of mine. And, uh, she was thinking of coming to the party." Grandma ignores Nina's extended hand. "That thing is not going to my party. You keep her away from me. Far away." She spits at Nina's feet. Nina looks like she's about to cry. On the upside, she didn't get stabbed with a fork. Ben apologizes to Nina and promises that this will all work out, and he'll call her when he gets back. He moves in to give her a kiss, but Nina pulls away and grandma clears her throat at him, so he just gives up on that and scampers off with grandma.

Work Bench. Morgan swaggers up to Sam at customer service and slaps a dossier on the counter. "Hey, Man," he smarms. "Sorry I slapped you. It was wrong. Even if it was incredibly satisfying. So, uh, you still up for lending me a hand with this thing? Helping me win this? 'Cause, uh, I'm having a teeny bit of trouble." Sam can't believe this. I think he means he can't believe Morgan's gall, but it could also mean he can't believe Morgan got a dossier and he apparently didn't. Sam reads the dossier. The soul of the week is Bud Brown. He's in for adultery, theft, murder. Sam asks if Morgan checked out Bud's chop shop by the pier. Not yet. What about his apartment? Morgan didn't read that far down. Sam is incredulous. "What have you done?" Morgan shrugs a little. "What? I'm here, aren't I?" Unbelievable, says Sam's face.

Chop shop by the pier. Sam and Morgan peek in through some dirty windows. The soul is hard at work welding something. The boys wonder what he is building. Morgan wants to see Sam's vessel, telling Sam he thinks it's different from his. Sam is pretty sure they're the same, but he's busy watching the soul so he absentmindedly hands it over. Morgan switches the two fire extinguishers. "Alright," says Sam. "So The Devil didn't say that the winner is the one who vessels him, only the one who sends him back to hell. So, I gonna go in there and capture him then I'm going to give you the vessel, you drop it off at the DMV, and then, boom, you get the credit." Wow, Sam is getting better and better at going around The Devil with loopholes and technicalities.

Sam enters the chop shop and gets closer to the soul under the guise of someone who wants to sell some spare auto parts. Bud growls at him to get out, and Sam is so confident that he has this one in the bag, he just blows his cover at this point with an action-hero-style "I don't think so, Bud." Bud grabs a nail gun, and Sam uses the fire extinguisher on him. Except instead of capturing Bud, the fire extinguisher just sprays foam on him. "It's not working!" Sam stares dumbly at the fire extinguisher for a second, then spray Bud some more until Bud drops his nail gun. They both stare at the dropped nail gun, and in a surprising smooth rolling move, Sam grabs it first and fires a few nails at Bud. Bud dodges the nails and moves to hit Sam with a crowbar, but Sam nails him in the leg and then a shoulder. Bud retreats with a limp. Sam, still stunned that he sort of won, watches Bud go. Wow, Sam really is getting less awful at fighting.

"Hey!" Sam marches outside angrily to find Morgan making dinner reservations on his cellphone. He quiets Sam with a raised finger as he slowly finishes his phone call. Sam waits in exasperation. If I were Sam I would be cramming that phone up his ass right about now. "Hey," Morgan frowns. "You're alive." Sam wants to know what the hell Morgan did to his vessel. Morgan admits he broke it: he gave Sam a real fire extinguisher. This is where I would take the vessel fire extinguisher out of Morgan's hands and break his face with it. Sam settles for enraged shouting. "What?! Why!? I almost got killed in there!" Morgan smilingly explains he just figured the competition would get a lot easier if Sam was gone. "Are you an idiot?" Sam is getting downright unhinged now. "I don't know how I can be any more clear. I. DON'T. WANT. TO. WIN!"

"Sticking to your story. Nice." Morgan gets into his shiny red sports car. Sam keeps trying to get Morgan to believe him. "Bo-ring!" Morgan sing-songs and speeds off, leaving Sam to throw his hands up and yell in frustration. "GARUGH!!!"

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Work Bench. Sam joins Andi, Sock and Ben in the break room. Andi wants to know what he's been. "Dealing with Morgan and the stupid contest," Sam sighs. "I'm trying to let the idiot win and he won't let me." The guys get all dreamy at the mention of Morgan. "I wish I looked like Morgan," Ben gushes. "He's such a handsome gentleman." Sock agrees. "Yeah, he's got the perfect body for clothes. Do you know what I mean? Like the way the seam hangs off his broad shoulders?" Ben agrees it's true. Socks gushes on about Morgan's barrel chest, narrow waist and muscle tone. "Okay!" Sam interrupts. "Yes, yes, he's great. He's also incredibly lazy. That's why I want to make sure he wins. If The Devil's stuck with him for the rest of eternity, the whole world's a lot better off."

Everyone nods in agreement. Sam notices they seem to be working on something on a laptop. "What are you guys doing?" They have an idea of how to convince Alan to tell Sam The Secret. "Alan's sick of being stuck at the cemetery, right?" Ben explains. "But he's gotta be there because the ground's consecrated. What if we sent him to a city where every inch of the ground is consecrated?" Where he could actually have a real life, where the devil couldn't find him.

Cemetery. The guys brought the laptop to Alan's work shed. "Alright, Alan," Sock begins. "We made a little film for you. Okay? It's a little rough still, it's a bit spotty in places, but, uh-" "But," Ben takes over the intro. "It'll give you a good idea of how fun life is going to be in Vatican City. 'Cause it is. It's gonna be off the chain."

Cue a video of the Sistine Chapel painting of God touching fingers with Adam complete with church choir music, then some scenic photos of the Vatican, then a stained glass window of Jesus- the classic comedy stand-by "record scratch" sound interrupts the church music, stained-glass Jesus shakes, and a cheesy "roll-wipe" transition give us a picture of the pope with a snazzy red hat dropping on his head as the strains of "Walking on Sunshine" kicks the video into high gear. More cheesy transitions between a whole slew of "animated" pictures. A laughing nun's eye glint with a "ding!" sound effect. Greenish-looking meatballs appear on a giant bowl of spaghetti with cartoonish "popping" sounds. Pan across a photo of sexy male and female models on the beach. A chihuahua in goggles in front of a swirling rainbow background (your guess is as good as mine for what this has to do with the Vatican). The popemobile glides by Saint Peter's Square with Alan's face pasted onto a random body riding on it. "Alan" waves his hand. And don't it feel good... The words "100% CONSECRATED" appear with a stamping sound. Big finish with the slapped-together production credits for "Put A Sock In It Productions" in flashing bright red and green comic sans font on top of an ugly yellow background with a picture of Sock's head and a couple of socks (one with colorful stripes, one with an american-flag pattern).

Wow. That? Was off the chain. "So?" Sam asks Alan. "What do you think? We can help you with plane tickets, a passport, everything." And in return Alan has to tell Sam what he did to get out of his deal with The Devil. Alan pauses for a moment, but the power of the video wins out. He jumps up with excitement. "Let's do this!" Everyone cheers. "Serious?" Sam can't believe this worked. "Yeah!" Alan answers. "I can't live like this anymore, it's driving me crazy." Sock hands him the movie disc. "Okay now, I'm gonna leave this with you, but if this winds up on youtube, I will sue. Your. Ass."

Candlelight vigil on what looks like the steps of some school. The less said about this scene, the better, because it's basically just pointless filler with Sock trying to get blonde girl (whose name we never learn - it's that unimportant) to go bowling with him. She invites him to a memorial on another day. "Another one?" Yes, Sock, because apparently another scene was needed to fill out this episode. Sock quickly agrees to go when the girl tells him maybe they can go bowling after that. Next scene!

Sock's backyard. Grandma is planting that vegetable garden she wanted. Ben and Chico watch from the house through the window. Ben tells Chico he's going to throw those veggies in the trash. Ben stops watching grandma to go wrestle with Chico in the living room. Nina comes up to grandma. Grandma gets ready to attack her with the trowel. "Hi," Nina says gently. "Maybe this is a bad idea, but I like your grandson way too much just to let this go. I'm not evil. You're not seeing me for what I actually am: a fallen angel. While I may know what hell is, I've also seen the highest reaches of heaven." At this, grandma smiles encouragingly. Nina continues. "And... I can tell you honestly that's where I'd rather be." In awe, grandma asks if Nina had met Saint Peter. She has. "What is he like?"

Ben comes back to the window and freaks out at the sight of Nina talking to grandma. Can't he see they're both smiling? Nina is describing what it's like to feel an incredible sense of calm around Saint Peter. "Oh," grandma breathes. "You're so lucky." Ben runs over and spazs. "Uh, Nina, you probably don't want to do that, okay?" Nina tells him they're fine and just having a chat. Chico runs towards Nina and barks at her viciously. "Chico stop," orders grandma. Nina puts up a defensive position and suddenly involuntarily turns back to her demon form. Grandma has a heart attack. Ben freaks some more.

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Sock's House. Living room. Ben is back from the hospital. Sam asks him how grandma is. "Minor heart attack. But she's doing fine, she's gonna be there a couple more days, so." Sock scoffs at the "minor heart attack" and boasts that he'd go out huge if it were him - with a double heart attack that sprays the left ventricle everywhere. He proceeds to make explody sounds. It looks like he spits on Sam a little because Sam makes an "ew" face. Sam asks Ben if he talked to Nina. Nope, Nina flew off after it happened. Ben rants about Nina talking to grandma even when he specifically told her not to. "I had it under control. Did she listen to me? Not at all!" Uh, sure you had it under control, Ben. Nina's talk with grandma was going to work until you bungled it up. "Well in all fairness," Sock defends Nina. "A chihuahua did attack her." Ben doesn't know what to do. He waits for the guys to give him some advice.

"What do you guys think about my pants?" Sock changes the subject. Sorry, Ben, I'm kind of with the guys here - no patience for self-inflicted problems. Sam compliments Sock on the well-played subtle pinstripes on his pants. Oh, so Sock brought more pants? Who is he, Jude Law? Okay, it's for going to the memorial service so he can go after "funeral chick". Fine, whatever. "I'm going to convince her that she's done grieving tonight. I think it's safe to expect some tongue action after this memorial, maybe during! I don't know! We'll see, who knows?" This line was kind of funny in the promo, but somehow now it's just gross. Ben leaves to go back to the hospital, sarcastically thanking the guys for listening to his problems. "No problem, Benji," Sock says. "Always here for you, man."

Memorial service. Sock obnoxiously pretends to know the dead teacher. Some more. Sock hits on blonde girl. Some more. Blonde girl introduces her boyfriend, who is even more upset about the death than she is. Can Sock comfort him, too? Sock at least has the decency to bolt at this point, which pleasantly surprises me. I would have pegged him for someone who would think of a way to get boyfriend out of the way so he can continue to hit on blonde girl. Guess Sock is not that evil. A man (a lawyer?) announces that the teacher is leaving all her money to her students. Every student at the memorial gets $10,000 to give to the charity of their choice in her honor. And... Sock is back.

Sock's house. Kitchen. Sam is on the phone. I'll fill in the other side of the conversation. "Hi, do you have any direct flights to Vatican City?" You mean Rome? "Rome's the closest?" Vatican City is in Rome, you idiot. "Yeah, uh, Rome's good. Heh heh." Okay, we should get you on a tour so you don't get lost. "No, it's for a friend, his name is Alan Townsend."

Couldn't they have given Alan an alias? Not very stealthy. Sam sits and is transported to a diner. The devil hangs up the phone for him. "He'll call you back," he says into the phone. Seriously, that home cordless phone still gets reception to the phone base in Sock's house from wherever they are? What is it, DECT 666?

The Devil chastises Sam for being rude. Then he chastises both Sam and Morgan for letting the soul go. "I should think you should be a bit more... ashamed." A waitress comes over to take their order. Morgan wants a chicken mi- "He will have nothing," The Devil snaps. "I'll have a cup of coffee, black, two sugars." Morgan starts to apologize in his usual smarmy way, but The Devil will have none of it. "Do you have any idea how disappointed I am in you two?" He growls. "I mean, to think that, one day, one of you might actually help me guide mankind on a path to destruction. It just simply boggles the mind." Morgan tries again to smarm his way back into The Devil's good graces. The Devil is not impressed. "You know what I see when I look at you, Morgan?" Morgan smiles as if expecting a compliment, and his face falls as The Devil goes on. "I see a big, lazy puppy dog. With big puppy dog eyes and little puppy dog brain. So eager to please, and yet so... incapable." Morgan is crushed. Sam smirks. Oh, don't look so smug, you are most certainly next.

"And you," The Devil starts in on Sam after he thanks the waitress for his coffee. "Such a whiny little baby." Sam scoffs at this with a smile. "You won't be laughing tonight when that soul finishes what he's been working on." Now Sam looks worried, he wants to know what that is. "A portal," The Devil answers. "Allowing a bunch of his buddies, degenerate souls, my hard-earned souls, by the way, to escape from hell. He needs to be caught. Now." The waitress brings the check, and of course, The Devil disappears to let the boys take care of it.

Morgan is still all upset that The Devil thinks of him as a big, lazy puppy dog. He wants Sam's honest opinion if this is the truth. "You really care what he thinks?" Sam is incredulous. "Yeah," Morgan seems more incredulous that Sam would even ask this. "He's my dad." "Yeah, but he's The Devil, he's never gonna be a real dad. He can't, it's impossible." Morgan tells Sam The Devil is all he's got. He wants to make The Devil happy. He has lived his entire life trying to measure up and failing miserably. Sam considers this.

Interesting. So Morgan has known his whole life about being devil spawn. What about his mother, is she somehow completely out of the picture? Maybe she raised him to love his father The Devil? Or maybe he was raised by nannies? Why didn't The Devil let someone else be his parents and then surprise him on his twenty-first birthday? Is The Devil conducting some kind of social experiment?

Part of me suspect Morgan of manipulating softy Sam with a sob story. But he seemed so sincere. When he's pulling one over on somebody, he doesn't manage to hide all his smarm. He's actually a very pitiable character if the story is true. Still an evil tool and all-around douchebag, but it would seem that he never stood a chance to be anything else.

"You want to do him right? Let me help you win this. Okay? Morgan, you have to believe me. I don't like working for him. I don't like knowing him. I don't want any part of this." Morgan wants to know if Sam is being serious. "I promise," Sam swears. Okay, they're in agreement. Let's do this thing!

Dark night with a full moon, back at the chop shop by the pier. Sam and Morgan stride in ready for action. "Sorry, Bud," this time Morgan does the action-hero one-liner. "But we're gonna have to put an end to your experiment." Bud lights a cigarette with his blowtorch. "Sorry boys, you're too late."He flings the cigarette at a spiky arch made of black iron. It explodes into flames, knocking the boys on their backs. Sam urges Morgan to hurry up and get Bud, but Morgan points Sam's attention towards the arch. It is now a full-on flaming gateway to hell. A couple of biker dudes comes out through a wall of fire. Cool.

[bec]

Morgan tries the vessel on the biker dudes, and panics when it doesn't work. Sam tells him the vessel is only for Bud. Sam will take care of the other two. He picks up a giant beam and knocks one biker back to hell through the gateway. Morgan fights Bud, Sam fights remaining other biker. They both get their asses kicked, but Sam does a little better than Morgan. He at least hits the guy a little instead of only getting hit. "Morgan! Run! Get out of here!" Sam screams. Bud throws the vessel into the hell gate. "Sam! The vessel's gone!" Morgan shouts. Bud throws him into a wall and knocks him out cold. Sam hits biker with a wench. Biker throws Sam right in front of the hell gate. For a second I thought Sam was going to fall in. The biker rushes at Sam. Sam does a move similar to when Simba threw Scar over the cliff in The Lion King by lying on his back and flipping the biker over with his legs.

Bud kicks Sam around while he's still down on the ground. Morgan finally springs into action and gets some hits in by sneaking up behind Bud and hitting him in the back with a two by four. Then he stupidly tosses the board aside and wrestles with Bud. Bud is quickly able to overpower him and use him for a punching bag. A punching bag that lies flat on the ground right in front of a gateway to hell. Sam comes to Morgan's defense by giving Bud a shove, which... sends him straight to hell. The gate conveniently collapses in on itself at this point, so they don't have to worry about those guys wandering back out.

Sam picks Morgan up off the floor and thanks him for saving his life. Morgan is devastated by the fact that Sam won the contest. Sam vehemently denies this. "No! No! I didn't do anything, you did everything! I just... I gave him a little push! There's no vessel, right? I mean there's no way to prove which one of us sent him back. Right?" With hope in his voice, Morgan guesses Sam is right. "You're a good liar, we'll just lie." Sam decides. "Tell the Devil you won. There's no proof otherwise." Morgan is comforted by this. "I could do that. I do like lying." They shake on it.

A law office. The man who made the announcement at the memorial service is having a meeting with Sock and a bespectacled Ben. The man wants to know who Ben is. According to Sock, Ben is playing the part of someone who runs a "non-profit based organization". Sock makes up some BS about a charity that reads to the blind (people) and delivers food to hungry orphans on Christmas. Ben, for his part, is doing a decent job of coming off as an intellectual until he claims to be working on "a machine" in his "laboratory" that will "liberate mankind". Then he just sounds like a nut. The man does not appear impressed. "It's a straw. A self-sucking straw. And it will help people who have problems using their jaw enjoy the wonders of... using a straw."

From the look on Sock's face, he is certain that the deal is sunk. Ben whips out a drawing of the "STRAW-TO-MATIC". It looks like something made by a third-grader. The man slowly mulls over this, looking like a man who is about to call security to have them removed from his office any second. Instead- "Okay! Sounds good to me," he says. "I just have to put something on the form here. Good. There's your money." He hands them a fat envelop of cash. Everybody's happy and they all wish each other a good day.

Sock and Ben gets home. Sock is now convinced the STRAW-TO-MATIC is a gold mine. He wants to know how long Benji had been sitting on this. Oh, since he was eight. Huh, so I was right about the drawing being the work of a third-grader. Sock wants to use the money to develop the STRAW-TO-MATIC for real.

"What do you mean, living expenses?" They hear Sam exclaim. They join Sam and Andi in the kitchen. Sam's on the phone with Alan, who wants a full row of seats on the plane (so no one can tempt him), and money for an apartment. Isn't greed one of the deadly sins? Shouldn't demanding these things be enough sin to send Alan back to hell already?

Sock and Ben excuse themselves to debate whether they should use the money for the STRAW-TO-MATIC or to save Sam's eternal soul. They decide that they can save Sam's soul after they make it big with the STRAW-TO-MATIC. Lucky for Sam, he spots the fat envelop of cash they just left lying around on the kitchen table. "Why is there an envelop full of cash out here?" Sock scrambles for an excuse, but Ben is so overwhelmed with guilt that he just blurts out the money is to help Sam with Alan. Sam is confused about how they could have known about Alan ahead of time. "Do you want the money or not?" Sock snaps. Easy come, easy go.

Sam excitedly thanks them and rushes out the door with the money. He is transported to the Brickhouse. I was worried The Devil would take his money again, but no, The Devil just wants to congratulate Sam on winning the contest. He hands Sam a glass of champagne. Sam lies that it was Morgan who won. "Oh, come on, Sammy, you think I don't know what goes down in my own house? Enjoy it, man. You're my second in command." Morgan shoves his way in. He demands to know what is going on. The Devil tells him they're celebrating Sam's win. Again, Sam insists that Morgan won. "Hey, drop the false modesty, all right?" The Devil smiles. "We all know you wanted this from the very beginning." Morgan is angry as all hell at being "played" by Sam. Sam tries to explain, but The Devil stops him. "You don't have to explain anything to him, he's a nobody. He doesn't even deserve your attention."

"But don't you worry," The Devil turns to Morgan. "Even though you lost, you get a consolation prize." Morgan gets ten bucks and a bus pass. Everything else Morgan had is now gone. Keys, wallet, clothes, car, condo... everything. The Devil mockingly dangles the keys in front of Morgan. "You looking for these, buddy?" Morgan knocks the glass out of Sam's hand. "You're a dead man. Dead man." He leaves in a huff. The Devil chuckles. "Whoa, that guy huh? Lots of bark, no bite."

[bec]

"Airport". Not sure where this is, but I'm pretty sure it's not the Vancouver airport. Alan is about to walk away with a promise to call when he gets there. Sam and Andi have a mini freak-out and reminds him that he has something to tell them. "Oh, right!" Alan laughs. Ha ha, how silly of him. Right. Here it is: Sam has to challenge the Devil at something and win, like in "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". Alan beat him at poker. Sam can beat him at... Batman trivia? "However, there is one more step to get The Devil to agree to the challenge." Much to Sam and Andi's chagrin, Alan wouldn't tell right now. He is convinced he needs to keep one ace up his sleeve until he is safe in the Vatican. Oh, like Homer Simpson was safe from Devil Flanders until he ate the last bite of doughnut? I don't think this works the same way, Alan. Sam isn't going to screw you over after you tell him everything, and The Devil really has more incentive to go after you to prevent you from giving Sam the last key piece of information. You are so screwed.

Work Bench. Ben is stocking shelves. Nina gives Ben some flowers for his grandma. Nina asks after her. Grandma is okay, she'll go home in a couple of days. Nina apologizes. Sometimes she just loses control when she gets startled. "I know, it's fine," says Ben. "Let's just forget it and move on, all right?" Okay, but they still have to work this out, did Ben talk to grandma about their relationship? "I did, and it's handled, baby." Nina is glad until Ben happily tells her he told grandma he dumped her, so now they can date in secret. "It's win-win!" They get in another spat about Ben being a grandmama's boy and he needs to tell grandma the truth but visiting hours are over and he can't agitate grandma in the ICU but their relationship is in the ICU. Blah blah blah. This all comes to a head when Nina wants him to "be a man, have a backbone". Ben does so by dumping her.

Nina starts to leave but turns back with a steely look. "You broke my heart once, and I forgave you. But not this time. This time you're gonna wish you never met me." Dun dun DUN! As shrill and annoying as Nina was with the demand for Ben to break into the hospital outside of visiting hours to tell his ailing grandma they're dating, Ben irked me more with his sort of smugness in that moment when he dumped Nina. You're not exactly on high ground when it comes to unreasonableness, buddy. You expected her to be happy with a secret relationship? So, what? She's supposed to run and hide whenever your grandma randomly shows up? Which apparently happens often? At least Nina's blunders can be explained by the fact that she's a demon not totally in tune with human niceties. What's your excuse, Ben?

Apparently the new guy was nearby, listening in. He puts in his two cents. "Tough break, my brother. She's amazing woman. I would kill that ass." Okay, that's not weird at all.

Brickhouse. Andi brings Sam some beer. Sam finishes reading a text from Alan that his flight is about to take off. "I can't believe this. I am going to beat The Devil." Andi asks him how it feels. "I feel like me again, does that make any sense?" Andi thinks it totally does. "I did it!" Sam cheers. "I beat The Devil. I'm done! Whoo!" Maybe being more aware that they haven't won yet and they should keep things on the down-low if they want to win, Andi cheers tentatively. "Sorry, I..." Sam apologizes to people staring, then he stops and says to Andi. "I don't care. It feels good." Andi wants to know what Sam will do with his newfound freedom. "I might learn a new language." Really? No, I'll probably just nap a lot." Andi laughs. Sam takes Andi's hand and thanks her for sticking with him. Andi kisses Sam. They both agree they want to kiss again. "But we should wait," Sam smiles. "Until tomorrow. I'll be out of my deal with the devil and we can kiss as much as we want." Sounds like a plan to Andi. They are jinxing themselves so bad right now.

Plane to Rome. Alan takes a drink from a flight attendant without looking up. Is that a familiar back I see on that flight attendant? The captain announces an "unscheduled maintenance stop" in... Las Vegas. This is quite a detour for a direct flight from Seacouver to Rome. So everyone should be weirded out by this. But nobody questions it, since all the passengers will get $100 in chips from the airline. Also I guess nobody cares about geography. The flight attendant turns around, and of course, it's The Devil. He asks a passenger several rows behind Alan if he can get her something to drink. The episode ends on ominous music and Alan looking like he's going to hurl. I wonder if he heard and recognized The Devil's voice. In any case, he's totally screwed.