|
Post by aktarian on Jun 8, 2009 18:59:49 GMT -5
1. Devil can't hear you if you are standing in a circle 2. Devil can't eat ice cream 3. Only thing that can kill the Devil is sword of Archangel Michael 4. In order to prevent getting killed Devil put fake swords of Archangel Michael on Earth, which he bought in Koreatown 5. Earth has better schools then Hell 6. Hell has shoddy security and you can come and go more or less as you please 7. When going to Hell it's a good idea to bring water 8. When searching for portal to Hell active volcanoes are a good place to start 9. When female demons appear in your dreams they want to have sex with you 10. Female demons, like cats, dogs and bears go through heat once a year 11. Guardian angel duty is entry level job but you can get promoted 12. Angels =/= fairies 13. In Hell you can get cell phone reception 14. Demon food is usually still squirming or screaming when it is eaten
|
|
|
Post by cko on Jun 8, 2009 22:51:30 GMT -5
Good ones, atk! Also:
1) Kiss a succubus, it's like you ate 16 (?) pixy stix. 2) It kind of like shaves a year off your life... 3) But it's the ass-end of life, right?
4) Your soul gets sold to the Devil, you get 42 miles a gallon. 5) But if you want to make the earth move, you need a Cadillac.
6) The Devil invented therapy so the wicked could justify their actions. 7) He also hates Halloween because it's the commercialization of evil. 8) He loved God.
9) Life's too short to drink domestic. 10) Heaven is better than Cancun.
|
|
|
Post by reallymzungu on Jun 8, 2009 23:05:54 GMT -5
The most important thing I learned:
Hell has better cell phone reception than my apartment.
|
|
kathyk
Demon
Bounty Hunter Extraordinaire
Posts: 165
|
Post by kathyk on Jun 8, 2009 23:23:36 GMT -5
The Devil invented the lottery. He also scouts for the Yankees in his spare time. He also runs AA meetings which are designed to get people to relapse.
|
|
|
Post by aktarian on Jun 9, 2009 14:54:10 GMT -5
2 more
Having a lady in the house opens window to lady troubles and then everybody is on the same cycle
Deer Hunter is not a comedy
|
|
|
Post by invalidcookie on Jun 12, 2009 3:40:31 GMT -5
1: You can go to hell for THINKING about having sex with someone elses wife/husband. 2: the Devil goes by the name jerry 3: He loves only one being in the universe. 4: The Devil HATES bears. 5: nerf guns CAN be a Deadly weapon 6:The DMV Of Course is a portal to hell!(I always knew it) 7: in the end god wins 8: you can repent in teh 11th hour, and it works! just don't let the devil get you in the 10th.
More to come.
|
|
|
Post by Reaperess on Jun 26, 2009 1:39:14 GMT -5
1) Constantly pulling little pranks on Ted and not doing any work will NOT get you fired from the Workbench but going AWOL for a month WILL. 2) Even the Devil needs a little love. (Mimi) 3) Not all demons are evil. 4) There are such things as zombies. (Sam's dad) 5) College makes people sleepy. 6) Some living people can be eviller than escaped souls and demons put together. (Mr. Sprong) 7) If everyone on earth turns pacifist then the Devil will be destroyed. 8) There is absolutely no chance of everyone on earth turning pacifist. 9) The Devil, while being the Devil, is still classy as he changes his suit three times a day. 10) Awesomely awesomely gay demons will be more understanding if you avoid them for being awesomely awesomely gay instead of avoiding them for being demons. 11) Children of the Devil can be either good (Sam) or douchey (Morgan). 12) Nerf guns aren't just awesome but can be extremely dangerous, therefore making them MEGA-awesome. ;D 13) Jerry Belvedere is the Devil and vice versa. 14) The Devil likes jerking around with people. 15) If you somehow have the scent of a female demon in heat on you, prepare to be humped.
|
|
|
Post by aktarian on Jun 26, 2009 12:14:51 GMT -5
awesomely gay demons can be accepted into heaven
Devil doesn't chase tail, tail chases Demon
|
|
|
Post by tank464 on Jun 29, 2009 21:55:05 GMT -5
The devil is not attracted to radishes. The devil wants us to "Go green"
|
|
|
Post by FrozenBrainiac on Jul 7, 2009 14:35:52 GMT -5
1) If you beat the devil with a baseball bat he still laugh at you 2) Disappointing the devil is a bad thing
|
|
|
Post by Reaperess on Jul 7, 2009 22:17:46 GMT -5
16) Bears are noble, noble creatures. (So says the Devil)
|
|
|
Post by tank464 on Jul 9, 2009 8:22:29 GMT -5
Humans can please demons. Like sexually
|
|
|
Post by aktarian on Jul 9, 2009 11:03:33 GMT -5
14) If you're a human that dates a demon you're considered horny. or a horn hag
|
|
|
Post by Kwyjibo on Jul 12, 2009 0:29:00 GMT -5
- Demons gather at book club meetings sometimes. - You can read instructions to draw a pentagram from a book about Satan, but end up drawing a Star of David instead... Mazel tov! - Even if you're destined to bring the End of Days to Earth, you need to attend school to learn how to do so. It doesn't matter if you're the son of the Devil himself.
|
|
|
Post by Reaperess on Jul 13, 2009 3:02:52 GMT -5
Uh..36?) The Devil is clingy.
|
|